BOOBS, BLOOD, BIMBOS AND BEASTS

Why are B- and C-Horror Movies so popular?

In the movie industry, there are different categories when dealing with films. I am not referring to film genres, but to film quality. The truly good movies, those we watch at the cinema, are usually A-movies, meaning they are meticulously planned, usually have a deep storyline and plot, have access to a certain budget, and can therefore hire quality locations, props, actors and film crew.

There are also what are known as B-movies – these are those movies which normally do not have access to a large budget, whose storyline is somewhat simpler, and which rarely make it to the big screen. Lastly, there are the C-movies, which as the name itself implies, are those with the least budget, have the cheesier story lines and the worst actors.

You might think that C-movies would have a very small audience, but that is where you would be wrong. In fact, C-movies have a real cult-following, especially C-horror movies. These kind of movies are usually unnecessarily gory, funnily foolish (even though they are supposed to be horror) and with an enormous focus on boobs, blood, bimbos, and beasts. Mainly aimed at adolescents or just people who like to combine soft porn with unrealistic heroism and macho-posturing, these kind of movies are quite easy to make and are as numerous as pebbles on the beach.

Being a movie and horror aficionado, I pride myself on having great taste when it comes to films. You can therefore surmise what I actually think about these kind of movies, however, I must admit, some of them are actually so stupid and cheesy as to be almost good.

Here is a look at five particularly amusing C-rate movies, where even the title itself is an indication of the targeted audience reaction.

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009) – After being dumped and fired, two losers hike to a village in Norfolk, where they join a group of sexy history female students. They learn that the village is cursed and that every girl in the village turns into a lesbian vampire on her eighteenth birthday. Surrounded by lesbian semi-naked women desiring their blood, the two try to find a way to break the curse.


 

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown (1989) – An all female motorcycle gang called ‘the Cycle Sluts’ arrive in a small abandoned town where an evil scientist with a dwarf assistant has been turning people into zombies. Obviously, the ‘Cycle Sluts’ ride to the rescue.


 

Bikini Girls on Ice (2009) – A team of female soccer players get stranded at a gas station on their way to a bikini car-wash fundraiser and decide to set up their act there. Unfortunately for them, there is a psychopathic mechanic on the loose who starts stalking them one by one.


 

Cheerleader Massacre (2003) – A number of cheerleaders are stranded in a cabin in the woods, together with their coach. The tension rises and things get hot, when they start getting magically killed off one after the other.


 

Zombie Strippers (2008) – A virus to re-animate the dead gets out of the lab where it’s created and one of the infected goes into a strip club. The strippers start becoming zombies, yet they become aware that most customers seem to prefer the dead girls to the living ones. The zombie strippers bite and kill their patrons.

 

I guess it’s plainly obvious that most of these films are targeted towards young stressed virgin adolescents with raging hormones. Not to mention the total lack of actual story line (they all sound the same to me), but hey, as long as we can enjoy nice boobs and blood in a fun setting, what’s the problem? To be honest, I think watching one of these with some friends, accompanied by wine and pizza, would be hilarious. And if the main actors are actually porn stars (yes they mostly are in fact), that’s all for the better, at least they’d know a little bit about faking screams on set, which is more than can be said for the other members of the cast.