BDSM – Exploring The Shadow Side

We can talk about good and bad, we can talk about light and darkness (shadow). We tend to label people. The angel, the devil, the good, the bad and so on.

Many woman, and men, suffer emotional and physical abuse because shadow traits are prominent in their partners, or ‘friends’. The controller, the psychopath, the bully… they all inflict physical or emotional pain on their victims, often wearing two masks, the light side seen by outsiders, the shadow side seen by the victims.

What is frightening is that such actions are actually quite common and without the consent of the recipient, who feels afraid or powerless to resist.

Actually, like black and white, like yin and yang, we all have both sides – sometimes in balance and sometimes out of balance. In other cases, one is more prominent than the other. We may like to play a dominant role, we may like to play a submissive role, or we might like to do both, at different times, with different people.

It is healthy to role play, to feed our subconscious erotic desires, choosing the roles and playing within a safe space of respect and consent. Thus BDSM has become a popular activity.

Men and women have long participated in such activities, considered by some as deviant. Perhaps to find balance in our lives and to escape the unnecessary amount of non-consensual abuse, we can explore our shadow side, in a controlled and consensual space.

Many bring play and toys into sexual activities, blindfolds, handcuffs, rope, restricting the submissive one, which they find exciting and arousing. The Japanese have made a rope art form out of Shibari and Kinbaku. Bondage, teasing, spanking and humiliation are all aspects of people exploring domination and trusting. It is about being vulnerable but knowing that when the limit is reached, a simple signal will stop the action. Only in vulnerability and trust can we open up fully to our sexuality and indeed our true selves.

Beware that bad energies can be attracted to shadow activities, they will avoid the light. Cleansing of energies is therefore recommended.