HOW TO HANDLE A ONE-NIGHT STAND LIKE A LADY

It’s that awkward moment when you wake up and you realise that you’ve had sex with someone you don’t know that well. Your mind is racing, wondering how you should go about it: “Shall I wake him up? Shall I just leave? Should I make him breakfast? Should I try it on again?”

Well, here’s what I think you should do.

Stop thinking.

One-night stands are, in their essence, a game of power. They are the Game of Thrones in a triple-X style. And if you want to make sure you come out on top, then you need to play your cards right.

If you wake up before your lover, crawl out of bed and dash into the first bathroom you find. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, put some lipstick on and pee if you need to – but never poop.

Unlike a relationship, this is no place to feel comfortable and let go. This is about asserting your character and reminding the man you’re with that he is a lucky fella to have picked you up last night – so looking and smelling good is imperative.

If the sex was horrible, then I would suggest that you pick up your belongings and make a dash for it – don’t wear your shoes until you’re at the door. If you’re caught trying to sneak out, tell him that you have an important meeting or are expected for lunch at your parents’ place. Be courteous and thank him for the hospitality, and move on.

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If the sex was great, then crawl back in bed and give him your back. Your scent and movement will wake him up, your ‘indifference’ will wake his up. And you can once again get jiggling.

Breakfast-Bed-Ideas

If after your hot, lustful parade he offers to make you breakfast, go for it. This might turn into something more; but if he goes quiet right after, get out of bed and get dressed – he’s clearly going to kick you out, and you shouldn’t let him have that power.

You might be thinking at this point: “Why should I listen to Evelyn?” or “Why should I make so much effort?” or “This is so sexist!”

Well, to the sexist comment, I’ll say this: as a human being, I’d rather safeguard myself first.

To the “Why should you listen to me” comment: I’ve experienced both ends of the stick, and trust me, nothing can leave you more crushed than a one-night stand who kicks you out like you’re a piece of meat.

To the “why should you make so much effort” comments: Well… beauty is power; and believe me, that guy will talk, and he will tell everyone about his unfortunate beer-goggle incident the night before. Make him feel lucky, by making yourself an unattainable prize; not because you’re too dumb that your looks have to make up for it, but because you’re smart enough to know that you should be desired.

One-night stands are in their essence a game of power, and if you don’t play your cards right, someone else will win.

Do you agree with Evelyn? Let us know in the comments’ section below!