Betrayal On Two Fronts

© PENELOPE PEZ

My husband just confirmed that he had an affair with my best friend, he said he didn’t want it to happen but she kept provoking him all the time and he didn’t resist, she then was telling him that she would tell me if he stops seeing her. I noticed he had changed by becoming nervous but all stayed the same between us, he is now so sorry and he’s doing everything he can so that I forgive him. What should I do, he was always a good man and I still love him but I’m very angry at him all time. 

Dear Samantha,

I’m almost feeling sorry for your husband – for landing himself in an affair with a manipulative person who not only betrayed you, her ‘best friend’, supposedly, but who also emotionally blackmails him too. I bet he is feeling very foolish. And there must be something pretty awesome about you for her to envy you so much that she tried ‘stealing’ someone so dear to you.

Of course, this is only his version of what happened. Do you believe him?

He was capable of lying to you during the affair. What motivated him to tell you about it? Was it because he is genuinely sorry for betraying your trust or was it because he wanted to take away the power of her threats? What does this say about his strength of character and his respect for your feelings?

It is very normal to feel angry in this circumstance as you were doubly betrayed by two people you love. It is painful and no joke. When this happens the trust between you is broken and it must be earned again which takes time and effort.

You need to evaluate whether you want to build the bridge again with your husband. We are meant to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. Some people regard forgiveness as a white flag to repeat mistakes and it becomes a pattern. From your experience with your husband, which category would he fall under?

Although it is natural to feel angry it is also toxic to experience anger over a long stretch of time. It is a heavy energy that needs to be processed and moved along. Physical exercise or dancing is a good way to start getting it out of your system. On an emotional level, understanding wHere all this stemmed from, may not necessarily make you forgive or be willing to expose yourself to getting hurt again, but it will go a long way towards healing the wound you are currently nursing. Whether you heal this wound away from the source of it or with your husband’s help is up to you.

If you do decide to work on rebuilding the trust in your marriage, do avoid the common tendency in this circumstance to bring up this issue at every turn or during every arguement.  It would be detrimental to the overall relationship and at the end of it, your happiness.

What’s your opinion?  Comment in the box below.