Bad Relationships

I am 23 years old and can’t find someone to settle down with. I’ve had several relationships but I always end up getting hurt. I am a very loving person who falls in love easily. I do all I can to keep a relationship going strong but they always end badly. I’ve been cheated on, I caught an other boyfriend with an ex of mine, an other was only using me until he got bored of me. It was supposed to be a serious relationship every time. My friends always tell me to give them a hard time and they’ll come running, but I only ended up receiving a harder time myself. Do you think I am the one who is doing something wrong?

Dear Looking-for-love,

Several if not most songs, novels and films are written about love so you are definitely not alone here. When the Beatles were asked to come up with a song that had a message understood by everyone in all nations, they had a massive hit with All You Need Is Love not only because they were the Beatles and it was the 60s but also because the song resonated with the listeners, as it was meant to.

Unfortunately, not everyone is living in this enlightened state all the time. Everyone has a past and background and their own way of dealing or coping with it. It is naive to assume that because you are a loving person you will receive the same from all those you love, although certainly no one can blame you for expecting it as there has to be a give and take in relationships. Even though you are a positive person and probably see the beauty in every person that’s under the unpleasant traits, there are those who have their own agenda and no qualms – or not enough – to stop them from being dishonest and leading you on.

It seems you have been attracting this type of relationship even though it is not what you want. When we get into a pattern of ‘bad’ relationships, it is said that we are attracted to people who have the traits of the parent who hurt us the most. By shedding light on your own issues and coming to terms with them, accepting them, you can move on to a new realization. One of self-love and self-acceptance. When this happens you set bounderies that other people will sense and respect or that you will defend out of love and respect for yourself.

Have you heard the saying that you cannot truly love someone else unless you love yourself first? Or to love others only when your own cup is full and overflowing? You will attract the loving relationship you deserve when you come from a place of fulfilment yourself, not one of longing and need. This is why athletes are trained to visualise their winning moments and the feeling of what comes after them as this helps to achieve their goals. So you might want to make this a regular practice especially during meditation. And remember there is no right or wrong only lessons to be learned!