What’s Happening?

I’ve been in a relationship for two and a half years. I moved into his house with him after a month, where he lives with his mother whom I don’t get along with very well. Lately she has been trying to break us up in many ways even saying that I’m with him just for money and sex. I cry at his feet when we’re alone and tell him that I love him so much that I would probably jump over a cliff if he says it’s over. He says he believes me and that he pays no mind to his mum’s b*tchy words. But when it’s night time she acts like she’s ill for attention and sometimes she tells him to sleep with her on a sofa bed. Sometimes I still hear her saying lies about me like I cheat on him when I go to work. He says nothing!! Which is killing me. I guess if he really loves me he’d fight for me and our love!

I’ve noticed that our sex life needs spicing up because we are not feeling connected. I cry myself to sleep sometimes telling myself that I’m imagining it. But in reality that’s what it is.

 

Dear writer,

When your partner’s mother is possessive and controlling it is bound to cause tension within your relationship, let alone actually living with her under the same roof! And to make matters worse she’s lying about you to turn the person you love against you so that you feel your relationship is constantly threatened. No wonder you’re feeling distressed.

I understand that you love your partner and that you’re trying to drive the point home by saying you’ll end your life if he leaves you. However, emotional blackmail from you might keep him close to you for a while but it won’t endear him to you – or be healthy for your sex life – in most cases, anyway. And your partner must already be feeling trapped and stressed out by having a manipulative mum. So you can see where this is going… Fighting fire with fire will only burn out the person you’re both fighting over.

Are you financially independent? If not, start working at finding a way to move out of this toxic environment. It seems that your partner’s emotional baggage is wearing you down and making you view life fatalistically which can easily happen when you are connected, even if unwillingly, to the energy vampire you have described the mother to be.

Creating some distance seems to be a healthy option for you even though taking the step may feel quite impossible at first. However, see the big picture. It might be better not only for you individually but also for your partner, if he decides to support you in this decision or if he makes the move gradually. Yes, he may decide to remain at his mum’s beck and call, especially if she has drained him and he is unable to make decisions for himself. But that is his call, his lesson to learn, not yours. Good luck!