Going Hot and Cold – Confused

Last year I got into a relationship with a good friend of mine but it only lasted 6 months due to a number of misunderstandings. A year has passed since the break-up and during this year we tried to patch things up but after some time he called it quits only to come back again a couple of weeks later. He goes from hot to cold in a second. I truly love him but I don’t know what to expect and what to do. He can go from incredible highs to terrible lows!

Dear Anita,

Is he a Gemini by any chance? Ha ha I’m only joking – a friend of mine swears that males under this sign are notorious for going hot and cold! But seriously now…  you say he’s a good friend – that’s good news for the relationship as the friendship and respect, I’m assuming, is already there.

Do you recognise this indecisiveness or abrupt change of mood as part of his personality or is he this way only with you since you started the relationship?

If it is a character trait it is something you have to come to terms with – you can either learn to accept it or decide that it doesn’t work for you. Even though you love him, and I know it’s easier said than done, but if this behaviour keeps making you anxious the relationship will only drain you.

If on the other hand he behaves this way only with you he may be struggling with his feelings for some reason. At the risk of sounding like a doomsayer – is there anyone else involved and is he being honest with you? Unless you’re ok with the fucking buddy thing, you may want to set some boundaries that take your expectations into consideration. Or else he may be genuinely confused and needs some time to get his head around his issues.

The best course of action would be to find a good time to talk to him about your feelings and expectations, find out what’s going on with him, then give him the space to sort it out and make a decision. Being caught neither here nor there may give you a short-lived adrenalin rush but it’s no fun in the long run if it is a stable, loving relationship that you’re after. There is sky-diving, car racing and other more appropriate  activities for that kind of high!

I wish you a happy outcome and most of all take good care of yourself.