Your weekly appointment with your partner

Make an appointment with your partner? Yes sure, why not?

Can you tell me honestly that you discuss everything you want with your partner, in a calm way? Or do you accuse each other, shout, go silent, fight, become defensive or bottle things up?

Are comments taken as criticism, which is not intended, and you upset each other, repeating unproductive negative patterns of behaviour?…. Familiar story?

My first wife would go quiet on me for days. I would say “Tell me what is wrong”.  She answered “You should know”. “Well how can I if you don’t tell me?” ……. The silence continued.

Whether you shout, or go silent, you are achieving nothing but tension and building a wedge between you both. You don’t have to fight the war between the sexes. You can walk the path of harmony, honesty and trust instead.

So how about adopting a new regime, by agreement? Each week book a 30 minute slot where you can each talk about how you feel and what bothers you, in a non-accusing, non-confrontational  way. Share what pleases you too!! One speaks – the other agrees to listen and not speak until it is their turn. If arguments start, the session is immediately ended, and you set another time.

Practice this for a few weeks and see how frustrations will reduce, understanding will increase, and you can feel more close and loving.

A client said “we don’t agree about everything, but since we followed your advice, the tension has really reduced in the relationship”.